On Being a Grandma

Welcome to another of my guest blogs. I have really been enjoying reading other people’s take on different aspects of parenthood and I hope you have too. This time I asked Leilani Mitchell if she would share her thoughts on being a grandparent…

On Being A Grandma

My daughter had a baby when she was 18. Grandmother-hood came a little earlier then I had planned, however some of the best things in life are unplanned and this was one of them for me.

The ongoing question for me is always how much to help, how much to say, how much to advise and support and how much to keep my mouth shut.

I think being a Grandparent is a very interesting place. The reality is that we have been through it all; we may not be up with the latest toys and ideas on child care but we have a lot of knowledge and experience that of course our children do not have. How to support and encourage while not undermining the new parents takes some skill.

I remember being pregnant with my second child and being worried that I would never love her as much as my first – how could I possibly? And then of course I did. When my granddaughter was born I was surprised by the intensity of my feelings for her and that I could love another child like my own children. She is not my child and yet she is the child of my child and that is so special. That bond and attachment is so strong. It is such a delight for me to be in her life and to be a part of nurturing and nourishing her in her development.

Having been a psychotherapist for the last 25 years I also have a huge amount of knowledge about child development to bring to grand-mothering.

I think as I am older now I am clearer about what’s important to me and to her. I spend a lot of time with her as her mum works full time, I am rarely trying to get my housework done, socialise with friends, and work etc. when I am with her as I did when my children were young.  Sometimes of course it is inevitable but when I am with her I am truly with her. I know, through my own training, the power of just being and empathising and how important that is to a child’s psychological development. Children will go through all sorts of things- joys, sadness, fear, anger, disappointment and much more. These things are very important for them in their learning and what they need from us is not to make it better or to invite them to shut down on their experience but to empathise and attune to them. Seven seconds of empathy can create a new connection in the brain. This is something I can give my granddaughter.

I just one of a hub of love that surrounds my granddaughter, who is now four and three -quarter’s ( or in her words nearly five!)  I am lucky to have such a beautiful little spirit in my life and I hope that she will feel lucky to have me too.

Tutor: Leilani Mitchell, Dip Couns. CTA, UKCP Reg. Psychotherapist, MBACP (Snr Accred Supervisor) TSTA (P) Chair of Trustees pf UKATA ( United Kingdom Association for Transactional Analysis ). Leilani an internationally qualified trainer, supervisor and Psychotherapist, she is Director of the Link Centre www.thelinkcentre.co.uk <http://www.thelinkcentre.co.uk>   a training centre based in south east England that offers courses in personal and professional development as well as longer term courses in Counselling and Psychotherapy. Leilani’s passion is to facilitate people’s self-awareness to enhance their quality of life.