Should I find out the sex of my baby?

So, you’re pregnant. You’ve done the test, had it confirmed, been for a 12 week scan and probably started to tell friends or family. The initial exhilaration may well have worn off a bit, especially if you’ve been suffering from morning sickness. Your 20 week scan is looming and there’s a question nagging at the back of your mind. Should I find out the sex of my baby?

Now, I’m not here to tell you whether you should or not, it’s such a personal thing. However, I thought it might be helpful to discuss a few of the pros and cons surrounding your decision.

What do other people do?

A quick search of the internet doesn’t really give us much indication. I found one study from Harvard in 2001, which surveyed 1,340 parents-to-be. Of them 58% had found out the sex of their baby. The NCT website claims that around 70% of women want to find out.
From my own straw poll on my Facebook pages https://www.facebook.com/HushabyePhotography, about 50% of parents found out what sex baby they were having. So, you can see that opinion is pretty divided. I had lots of lovely and honest answers to my question, which I’ve used to make a list of things to think about when you make your decision.

Reasons to find out your baby’s sex

1. Impatience
   Lots of people said that they just couldn’t wait to find out what sex their baby would be. They were so excited that they wanted to know straight away.
2. Control
   I smiled when a couple of people on my post said they had to know because they were control freaks. I don’t think they’re the only ones by any means. The thought that the sonographer might know what sex your baby is and you don’t had never occurred to me at the time, but I can see how that might drive you crazy. Knowing the sex of your baby also means that you can start planning things like choice of name.
3. Bonding
   Becoming a parent can be a daunting prospect and hard to envisage when you’re pregnant. Lots of people wanted to know their baby’s sex so that they could start to refer to them as ‘he’ or ‘she’ instead of ‘it’ and to help them bond. For older siblings too, knowing whether they’ll be welcoming a brother or sister can help them to connect better. Although, a friend of mine told her daughter she would be gaining a little brother and she promptly invented 10 imaginary sisters for herself!
4. Assuage disappointment
   For some people, having either a son or a daughter has been something they’ve dreamed about for many years. If you have your heart set on a particular sex and are not having it, using the pregnancy to get accept the idea can be very helpful.
5. Medical issues
   For some people, I asked, their pregnancy wasn’t straight forward. The uncertainty surrounding these complications meant that finding out their baby’s sex was a positive thing they could do to prepare themselves and their family.
6. Practicality
   If you’ve already had either a boy or a girl, or someone in your family has, knowing that you’re having the same can save a lot of hassle. Think of all things you won’t have to buy twice!

Reasons not to find out your baby’s sex

1. The best surprise ever
   “We both agree that there are not enough amazing and happy surprises !!”
   For many parents, being told they’ve had a boy or girl after the pain and exhaustion of child birth is the best thing ever. With today’s technology there really are very few things in life that are a surprise.
2. Risk of being wrong
   The chances of being told the wrong sex for your baby are pretty slim but it can still happen. One mum told me that her husband was told their fifth child would be a boy at two different scans but it was actually a girl. When he was told their sixth child was a boy, he didn’t believe it (but it was)!
3. Give people something to talk about for 9 months
   There is nothing like the conversations about gender and Old Wive’s tales to predict it that materialise during a pregnancy. If you like a bit of a conversation starter and lots of speculation, then this is how to do it!
4. Stop people making assumptions based on gender
   That fact that one of the first questions people ask when they know you’re pregnant is whether it’s a boy or girl, can be particularly frustrating. Especially when the answer comes with a huge raft of social expectations; being gifted a mass of pink or blue clothes and accessories isn’t to everyone’s taste. For many, having a healthy, happy baby regardless of their sex is the only real requirement.

When philosopher Bertrand Russell announced his first child, a friend said, “Congratulations, Bertie! Is it a girl or a boy?” Russell said, “Yes, of course. What else could it be?”

What will you do?

So, those are some things that you might want to consider when deciding whether to find out your baby’s sex. I’d love to know what you decide to do and your reasons.
If you’d like to celebrate your baby’s safe arrival, I’d love to help. Get in touch to book a newborn session with me
https://hushabye-photography.co.uk/contact/